When we are forced to deal with the fragile life span of our friends and our family, often we are left face our own limits of life and humanity. In these times we we struggle with the thin life between life and death, we often find ourselves question the motives and the movements of God.
It is too familiar for far too many of us; we live a pleasant life where we build meaningful relationships just to watch humanity deteriorate, leaving with more questions that answers for the God that created life.
In The song, “Fear” by Kansas City, MO emcee Tech N9ne, we are given a glimpse of the inner thoughts of Aaron Yates as he deals with watching his mother struggle from mental illness; an illness that would later claim her life. Tech brings in to his own personal struggle as he questions God as he is forced to face his deepest fear.
“Reoccurring dream, I was falling
Droppin' from something tall
And Jesus name that I'm calling.”
Aaron’s Christian upbringing shows through this song as he is trying to look to God for answers in this difficult time in his family. Throughout the song we get the sense that Aaron has a basic understanding of the God of the Bible and that he is doing his best to understand the plan of the Father, but Yates’ struggle runs deeps, which impacts his faith.
In this song I believe that event of falling in the dream is a symbol of everything slipping out of the emcee’s control and him realizing that being devoured by his own fear of loosing his mother. It it in these moments, that the emcee is facing mortality as well as his faith in God.
As listeners I believe we approach these moments often in our walk in our faith. While not all of will face debilitating sickness of family and friends, we will face difficult times and struggles that creates an environment that builds the walls of fear around us.
I believe that many of us can relate to that fear of falling; whether it means falling away from friends and family, whether it means falling into darkness and fear, whether it means falling further away from God.
“I'm feelin' sadness, I'm feelin' anger
Steady praying for a higher power to come down and change it
Rearrange her cause my fear is that the sickness in her mind
In due time it'll make her son a stranger.”
As the listener hears this song and internalizes the lyrics to the song, we are given the a deep dive look into the writer’s thoughts and feelings. The listener is able to connect with the artist as Yates prays for his mother’s recovery, yet Yates’ only sees his mother’s condition worsening. This event creates fear and doubt in the faith of the Kansas City Emcee.
“I know it's a blessing, that I raised kids cause I got skill
And thank God that gangbang thing didn't bring me hot steel
Now my mom's worse and a lot ill
My fear is that this God I'm prayin' to for my mother is not real.”
In everyday life, Christian believers are also filled with doubt, questions and a need for inner peace. In these times we are encouraged to depend on the family and friends as we lean in to the God’s presence. The struggles don’t change and vanish because of our relationship with God. Too often it seems that the pain intensifies. It is in these times that we need our God to guide us.
33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
Even though we all face real life struggles and doubts, Jesus is aware of all that we face and everything that we are going to face. The truth is, we are going to face the most impossible of difficulties, but one of the biggest blessings is that we are not alone in these tragic moments; we have our friends, our family and our heavenly Father. Through Jesus overcoming the death, burial and the grave of sin, we are given the authority and power to overcome our darkest fears with Christ.